


You Don't Love Me (No, No, No)

by Tamoline



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 08:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamoline/pseuds/Tamoline
Summary: For Vega, friendship with Jennifer Keller is not a second place prize.Now if only she can get rid of these unwanted feelings that the doctor inspires in her.





	You Don't Love Me (No, No, No)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bluflamingo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluflamingo/gifts).



> Many thanks to my amazing beta [Percygranger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percygranger/pseuds/Percygranger), who really helped polish this story and make it better.

Alicia plonked her tray down opposite Jennifer’s on the otherwise empty table. “Morning, doc,” she said cheerfully. “You’ll never guess what happened in the latest chapter of my littlest sister’s dating woes.” Her mom’s writing style always made letters from home amusingly dramatic.

 

Jennifer startled, loose strands of hair waving as she did so. “Oh, uh. Hi?” she said, glancing up at her, her usually expressive brown eyes distant rather than focussed, then back down at the barely touched food she was slouched over. Which was a little erratic even for Jennifer first thing in the morning.

 

Alicia decided to give her a few more minutes to wake up and poked at what was passing for breakfast this morning. Ugh, it looked like it was Experimentation Thursday again in the mess today. Worse, it was only Tuesday. More of the mandate from above that as many supplies as possible be locally sourced. 

 

Of course, to listen to the old hands, the newbies had it easy food-wise compared to the first year they were there. Then again, everything was easy compared to that first year, according to them.

 

She figured that’s probably half true, half bullshit, like pretty much every other story she’d heard around here since arriving.

 

Time to bite the bullet. She speared a piece of whatever this iridescent fruit-like thing was and brought it up to her mouth tentatively. 

 

Spin, spin, spin, oh wheel of dubious delights.

 

Huh. “It’s really not that bad,” she told Jennifer, who had apparently decided to pick at the bowl of unidentifiable grains and milk in front of her. Score one for whoever had actually brought that in.

 

“Oh,” Jennifer blinked. “Um, yes? I kind of know that already - we get sneak previews of the new produce. Perks of working in medical.”

 

“I take it you have a minion find out if it tastes good or not before the big boss has a bit, huh?” she teased gently, but Jennifer just smiled blankly back at her - usual dimples missing - before going back to prod her breakfast again.

 

Maybe she should have taken the hint and left Jennifer alone to whatever was distracting her… but, eh, that wasn’t what friends did. People who had friends like her, anyway. “You really seem really zoned out this morning. What’s the matter, didn’t get enough sleep last night?”

 

Jennifer abruptly blushed bright red and Alicia’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. It wasn’t like she was still deluding herself on that score. The few times they’d been out on tentative dates - even if she hadn’t been able to call them that, or even ask Jennifer out directly, thanks to the ever-present dangers of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - Jennifer had shown no signs of reciprocal interest. But the last stubborn embers of hope were hard to crush.

 

Being friends with Jennifer wasn’t a second place prize, though, and a friend would definitely tease her about this. Alicia’s feelings were her own problem. “Oh?” she said, raising one side of her mouth. “Did you have help not getting enough sleep last night?” she asked, despite not quite wanting to know.

 

“What?” Jennifer squeaked, flushing even more if it was possible. “No! There was no one- I didn’t have any problem sleeping last night, none at all. I’ve been distracted because… I’m mentally prepping for a complicated surgery. That I have to conduct this morning.”

 

“That was convincing,” Alicia observed.

 

“Well it’s true,” Jennifer said, getting to her feet. “In fact, it’s so complicated that I’ve got to go right now.”

 

“The truth is out there,” Alicia called after her. “And I will find it.”

 

Jennifer turned and gave her such an adorably defensive scrunched up glower that Alicia had remind herself again that her crush was hopeless. Her crush was hopeless.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey,” she said as she entered medbay. This wasn’t exactly her favored method of seeking out Jennifer - it made her feel more like she was speaking with Dr Keller rather than her friend - but needs must when the devil drives. And, well, Jennifer had been missing from their usual breakfasts together for the last four days, and Alicia couldn’t help but be a little worried. She blinked. “Oh, hi, Lancaster,” she said when she saw who Jennifer was treating for a nasty burn to his arm.

 

Jennifer, who was studiously treating the injury, and not looking once at her. It probably didn’t mean anything, but it stung all the same.

 

Lancaster grinned, teeth white against his dark skin. “You’re not down here to see me? I’m hurt, Vega, hurt.”

 

“I’ve already seen more of you than I ever want to,” Alicia said dryly. “Please tell me you’ve gotten better at finding discreet places so I never have to worry about stumbling over you and my CO again.”

 

He shrugged with the shoulder of his good arm, apparently shameless. “No promises,” he said and Alicia made a face at him.

 

“So,” she asked. “Has Teldy made you an honest man yet?”

 

He laughed. “What makes you think I want to be tied down like that?”

 

She smiled at the joke, like it didn’t sting, like it was completely fair that he and Teldy could just have this casual thing without it being a carefully considered risk. Could even be sloppy about where they made out in public.

 

But it was what it was, and there was no point in being bitter. Especially because it was doubtless the proximity to her own unrequited feelings that made it stung so much.

 

“How did it happen?” she asked, nodding towards his arm.

 

“Doing some repair work on Atlantis involving some welding. As carefully as we can, but sometimes the city doesn’t react quite as anyone would expect. Something happened - not sure what - and the flame was blown back at me.”

 

“Ouch. How bad is it?”

 

“Luckily, it seems mostly superficial,” Jennifer said, speaking for the first time since Alicia had entered as she placed a pad over the burn and wrapped it in gauze. “Which doesn’t mean that I won’t need you back in here tomorrow, to check its progress and change the dressing.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Lancaster said. “Is that all?”

 

“Just be careful with that arm, and don’t get the bandage wet, and we should be fine,” Jennifer said, then turned towards Alicia. “Is there anything I can help you with, Captain Vega?” she asked, her smile utterly professional.

 

Which… ouch. Lancaster might not be the only person suffering a burn in here. “Just checking up on my favorite doctor. Haven’t seen you around for the past few days.”

 

Jennifer softened. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve just… It’s been busy around here, and I’ve had to start a bit earlier or later, as the day demands.”

 

Alicia couldn’t help noting that she didn’t exactly offer to meet up sometime elsewhere. But… busy.

 

Sure. That was all it was.

 

“Vega,” Lancaster said, taking the opportunity to make his escape.

 

“Lancaster,” she said in farewell, then turned her attention back to Jennifer. “Fair enough,” she said. “Remember to look after yourself as well, okay.”

 

Jennifer rolled her eyes. “And who is the doctor here again? Now, shoo,” she said, making waving motions with her hands. “I’ve got work to do around here.”

 

* * *

 

 

“How’s it going?” she asked after approximately half an hour of Porter poking away at dusty and half ruined machinery, she and Teldy looking on whilst Mehra kept watch outside.

 

Porter mumbled something incomprehensible in response. Not that Alicia was expecting anything different.

 

They were on M6A-141, a dead world. Well, one allegedly scoured clean of humanoid inhabitants by the Wraith at any rate. Full of shattered buildings and a dead civilisation’s dreams. Alicia shivered. Fischer’s team on a survey had stumbled across this ruin with something that might still be functional, or at least salvageable, and apparently Porter had been the best person to take a look at it? 

 

Or Porter had lost a game of rock-paper-scissors. Alicia often found it a little hard to tell with scientists.

 

She took another glance at the building they were in, to reassure herself a little. It still *looked* structurally sound, but buildings this old always gave her pause. She knew structures like this could be built to last this long. She just didn’t know if the people who’d constructed this *had*.

 

“Why don’t you help Mehra with the perimeter,” Teldy said, probably as much to get her out of Porter’s hair as anything else.

 

“Yes, ma’am,” she said, taking another dubious look at a long crack running down one wall and got out of there.

 

Outside, Mehra had found a good spot overlooking most of the probable approach lines. As she kept an eye on those, she was taking the opportunity to dust off the wall next to her, revealing partially hidden building art. She nodded wordlessly as Alicia set up shop in a complementary vantage point.

 

“So,” Alicia said, after a few minutes of making sure that nothing seemed to be creeping up on them. “I hear Dr Keller may have found someone?” She couldn’t quite help herself making it a question.

 

Alicia felt a little pathetic as soon as she’d said it. She’d really meant to find out for herself. That or try and forget about it entirely if she wasn’t feeling like a masochist that day. But, well, it had been two weeks since that breakfast and Alicia had still only seen Jennifer fleetingly, and then only when she had made a deliberate effort to seek her out.

 

It wasn’t as though Jennifer had said anything, exactly, but Alicia recognised a brush off when it was hammered into her face enough times.

 

Maybe it was new love, the kind of rush where the other person was your world for a little time. Maybe that was the piles of work Jennifer was claiming filled her life. That possibility might hurt a little, sure, but it was better than the alternatives. That the problem was her. Worse, that Jennifer might have somehow figured out Alicia’s inconvenient feelings and now felt uncomfortable around her.

 

Mehra snapped a photo of the artwork, popped a bubble and shot her an amused smirk. “‘Dr Keller’, huh?” she drawled skeptically. “Not ‘Jennifer’?” 

 

Alicia shot her an annoyed glance and Mehra held one hand up in surrender. “Just saying.” She considered for a minute. “Nope. Haven’t heard much recently. Last person I heard she went for drinks with I can see right at this very moment.”

 

Alicia’s grimace at being reminded about that particular disaster - good drinks, good company, utter failure as a date and making her feel in any way sexy -  swiftly morphed into a harder glare, after a glance towards the building Porter and Teldy were in to see if there were any eavesdroppers. Not funny, she thought. She trusted Mehra - little hard not to, given the amount of secrets Mehra had ferreted out over the years - and she *thought* she could trust the other members of her squad. But she didn’t know, not for certain, and Mehra should damn well respect that.

 

Mehra did, at least, have the grace of looking vaguely apologetic

 

“How come you always have the latest relationship gossip, anyway?” Alicia asked by way of changing the conversation. “Given how loudly you proclaim that you’re not into that kind of thing.”

 

“I think of it as gathering anthropological data,” Mehra drawled. “The mating habits of service members and scientists when under stress and isolation.” She blew a bubble and tapped the side of her head. “I’m already planning ahead to my doctorate. And it’s not like I’m going to be able to publish much else about what goes on around here.”

 

“Ha,” Alicia said. “You’ll have to show me that when you finally get around to write it up, It should be-“

 

And then the world exploded.

 

* * *

 

 

Alicia opened her eyes to dimness. Huh. Med center, judging by the curtained off bed she was in. Good sign. Porter was sprawled in a chair next to the bed, snoring gently. Very good sign. 

 

Certainly better than the alternatives.

 

She did have series of snapshot memories - laying on the ground, being carried by Mehra and Teldy. She grimaced. She had a vague memory of looking down at… the stargate room floor? and a puddle of vomit.

 

Ugh. Just the thought made her feel ill again.

 

She must have made a noise or something because Jennifer stuck her head around the curtain, looking drawn, with rings under her eyes.

 

“Hey,” she said, smiling. Alicia blinked at her fuzzily, not quite up to figuring out whether she was only being polite. “Are you with us?”

 

“Wasn’t I earlier?” she asked, trying to crack a smile. Huh. From the pull, she’d definitely taken a blow to the face, even if she was currently eerily disconnected from any pain.

 

“You were very charming, if more than a little incoherent.”

 

Alicia forced out a laugh. “I’m sorry if I said anything…” she said, waving a hand in the air, panic making her heart faster, exacerbating the pounding in her head. “Obviously I wasn’t exactly feeling myself. I probably didn’t recognise you. I’m not sure I was recognising me.”

 

“Don’t worry-“ Jennifer said before Porter snorted herself awake, and Alicia forced her anxiety into a box to deal with later.

 

If she’d said anything untoward, it wasn’t as though she could much about it now anyway..

 

“Vega?” she croaked, pushing herself up in the chair, round features looking even pastier than usual. “You alright?”

 

She felt a little fuzzy from the drugs she was no doubt on, and she hadn’t tried to move yet, but… “Yeah,” she said. “Would I really let a little explosion keep me down?”

 

Jennifer frowned in censure. From past rants on the subject, Alicia was probably going to be subject to words about how people needed to let themselves have proper bed rest after injuries at some juncture, but Jennifer stayed silent for now.

 

“I’m *so sorry*,” Porter said, apologising profusely and looking almost as uncomfortable as Alicia felt. “It - I’m not quite sure what happened. I think there must have been some residual power in the system I was working on, or the power grid it was connected to or something, and…”

 

“Something exploded out in the street near me?” Alicia filled in. “How about you and the others?”

 

“I’m good,” Porter said, still obviously more than a little freaked out.

 

“Major Teldy is fine,” Jennifer interjected. “Sergeant Mehra got a scratch from a splinter of stone. It’s minor, though. Hardly needed a stitch.”

 

“Let me guess, she’s already saying that guys dig scars,” Alicia said.

 

“Pretty much word for word,” Jennifer said dryly as Alicia and Porter shared a smile, or as much of one as Alicia could manage. “Anyway,” she continued. “I need to run some tests, so if you don’t mind, Dr Porter-“

 

“Alison, please,” Porter said as she awkwardly pushed herself up from the chair, wincing as she did so, and started shuffling out. Apparently that thing was as uncomfortable to sleep in as it looked. “I’ll give the two of you some space.”

 

Thanks for that wording, Porter, Alicia tried to broadcast mentally with intense sarcasm. It didn’t seem to have any effect.

 

“Thanks,” Jennifer said to her, then turned back to Alicia. “Now,” she said, fishing a pen light out of her pocket. “If you’d try and follow the light with your eyes…”

 

“So, what’s the damage, doc?” Alicia asked after Jennifer had finished. She would have said that Jennifer staring deeply into her eyes had made her dizzy, but that was probably the concussion just this once. “How long are you going to have to suffer my presence?”

 

“Mmmm… you have a concussion, of course, but apart from that minor bruising and abrasions. Including a lot of your face, somehow,” Jennifer said disapprovingly.

 

“I’d noticed that much,” Alicia said, touching the right side of her face tenderly to map out the extent of her facial injuries.

 

“I’d like you to stay in overnight, for observation. I doubt I’ll manage to convince you to stay here much longer.”

 

“It’s like you know me,” she said, trying for bravado. And, well, visiting the hospital to see Jennifer might be fun, but she really preferred not to live there.

 

“Now,” Jennifer said sternly. “If you want to be let go in the morning, more sleep.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Alicia said, and obediently closed her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

“So how are you feeling after your rest?” Jennifer said as she wandered over to Alicia’s bed the next morning.

 

“A little confused, actually,” Alicia said. “Are you really supposed to be on shift again so quickly?” She checked the clock again to be sure, but, yes, Jennifer had definitely given her that checkup less than eight hours ago the night before.

 

Jennifer flushed. “Yes, well, you know me. I’m young! Fresh! Full of pep! A complete workaholic!” She flushed deeper. “And I’m allowed to stay up to worry over a friend,” she said, almost defiantly.

 

“I am a friend, then,” Alicia said, the words slipping out. Alicia wasn’t sure whether she would have preferred them to sound more waspish or relieved. She had a sinking suspicion they sounded rather pathetically the latter.

 

Jennifer’s expression changed to soft uncertainty. “I thought we were,” she said.

 

Alicia tried for a smile. It still hurt. “I thought we were, too. But you seem to have been avoiding me this last couple of weeks. I thought I might have done something wrong.”

 

“No, no!” Jennifer said, flustered. “It wasn’t you! It was definitely me! There’s just been…” she gestured vaguely in the air, “stuff.”

 

“Stuff,” Alicia echoed, mostly feeling relief - they were still friends - but not quite able to stop herself from giving Jennifer a hard time.

 

“You know, things,” Jennifer said weakly, her eyes pleading for Alicia to let it go.

 

“Well, if you ever want to talk about ‘stuff’ or ‘things’, you know where I am,” she said, not wanting to put any pressure on her, just letting her know the offer was open. Like a friend would. “Since we are friends and all. Still, weren’t you going to see about letting me go this morning?”

 

Jennifer shot her a grateful grin. “I guess I’d better let you stop disturbing any other potential patients,” she returned dryly. “As long as you understand that you’re going to be off duty for at least the next couple of days. No straining yourself with exercise, either.”

 

Alicia groaned dramatically. “Are you sure I can’t sweet talk you out of that?” Ugh, She could almost see the pile of paperwork Teldy was sure to assign her already.

 

Jennifer gave her a mock glare. “Not a chance. But if you let me do some followup tests, I’ll see about letting you go.”

 

* * *

 

 

“All hail the new Vomit Comet!” came the cheer from one corner of the mess as she entered.

 

Well, great. Lunch was going to be fun, she could tell already.

 

“Fuck you too, Sosa,” she called back, to general laughter. “You’ll always be holder of that title to me.”

 

She went and grabbed the food - some sort of stir fry, by the looks of things - and then sat down with Teldy and Mehra, who were occupying a table along the left hand wall.

 

“Do I have you to thank for spreading that?” she asked Mehra.

 

“Didn’t have to,” Mehra said smugly. “Willinski’s got friends in the stargate room, and he’s been looking to dispose of the title for a while here.” Figured. It was a lot harder to get rid of in Atlantis than in SGC. A lot less stargate newbies for a start. Mehra smirked. “So, did you have fun typing up our report?”

 

“It was thrilling.” Especially the part where Teldy volunteered her to help other teams with their paperwork too.

 

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on any detail of our adventures while you are off active duty,” Teldy said dryly.

 

“Thank you, ma’am. I do appreciate that,” she said in a similar tone.

 

“Good. So are you up for joining us for cards this evening?”

 

“Uh,” Alicia stalled. “I would, ma’am, truly, but the head injury, you see. Not sure I’d be a fit opponent.”

 

Teldy’s slight smile suggested she saw straight through her equivocation, but she let it go. “Pity. I heard you’ve managed to acquire a store of the good coffee.”

 

“Really?” she tried. “And who did you hear that from?”

 

“Here and there.”

 

“Besides,” Alicia said, “Lancaster might appreciate your company more.”

 

“Maybe,” Teldy allowed. “Maybe.” She smirked. “And maybe he’d be interested in some cards instead.”

 

Only if he hadn’t learned better by now, Alicia thought.

 

* * *

 

 

“Feeling better?” Jennifer asked as she stopped by the office where Alicia had found herself trapped for the last two days.

 

“Great, doc,” she said as she palmed the paperclips she’d been throwing at the trash can. Just when she’d almost beaten her previous all-time score, too. So sue her, enforced nothing never did suit her well. “All the better once you sign me off as fit for active duty.”

 

“About that,” Jennifer said, twiddling her fingers a little. “Maybe if you had some supervised light exercise I could see my way to doing that for you all the sooner. Maybe a walk around the city?” She smiled at Alicia hopefully.

 

Just the thought of the exercise she’d been missing out on over the last few days made a sensation like crawling ants run up Alicia’s legs. “I’ll do you a deal. How about a supervised light jog instead?” 

 

“Um…” Jennifer said, and Alicia gave her the best appealing look she had.

 

“I promise I’ll take it easy on you.”

 

“Okay, I guess it’s okay if there’s a medical professional present,” Jennifer said, deflating somewhat. “I do promise you that I’m in nowhere near as good a shape as you are.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Alicia said, getting to her feet and clapping her across the shoulders. “I’ll show you the ropes.”

 

* * *

 

 

She really shouldn’t be finding Jennifer this cute, puffing along a pier as Alicia quite literally jogged circles around her. It really wasn’t fair, to either Jennifer, or Alicia herself for that matter, but she couldn’t quite help it. 

 

Flushed, sweating, quietly determined - okay, maybe it wasn’t quite fair for Alicia *not* to find her attractive.

 

“Okay…” Jennifer panted, finally staggering to a stop. “That’s… it… I’m… resting… here…”

 

“If it helps,” Alicia said as she kept on jogging on the spot. “You did way better than I was thinking you would.”

 

Jennifer narrowed her eyes in a way that she doubtless hoped was intimidating.

 

Alicia grinned at her. “You don’t mind if I jog up and down the pier a few times?” she asked. “You can ‘supervise’ from here.”

 

“Hate… you… so… much…” Jennifer said and gestured in a way that Alicia took to mean that she could do what she wanted as long as it was away from Jennifer. She gave Jennifer a cheery wave and took off.

 

A few miles later, she was feeling almost human again. Jennifer, slouched against the side of the pier, was looking mostly recovered by the time Alicia jogged back to her.

 

“Ugh,” she said, covering her face as Alicia approached. “Don’t look at me. I feel like a wreck.”

 

Alicia privately disagreed but didn’t really feel like she could say that. “Obviously you just need more practice,” she opined. “Maybe we should make this a regular,” do not use the word date, “thing.”

 

Jennifer bit her lip. “Um,” she said. “I’ll have to think about it. At the moment I feel like I want to die.”

 

“Come on,” Alicia said, reaching a hand down to help her up. “I’ll help you get back to your room so you can have a shower and get changed.”

 

“You’re a lifesaver,” Jennifer said fervently, leaning on Alicia for support.

 

“I try my best,” Alicia said modestly. “So… does this mean that you’ll sign off on me going back to active duty?”

 

“I guess,” Jennifer said grudgingly. “At least if you have another accident out of there, it might get me out of more of this torture.”

 

Alicia laughed, long and loud. “Not a chance,” she told Jennifer, who groaned loudly in response.

 

* * *

 

 

“Vega!” Mehra greeted her as Alicia entered the gate room. “Enjoy your time off?” She grinned widely.

 

Ah, the good old routine of another day, another planet, now that she was back on active duty. Not to mention dealing with the slings and arrows of your fellow team mates.

 

Alicia rolled her eyes at her. “Oh yeah, typing up your shitty notes. It was a dream.”

 

“Yeah? That all?”

 

Alicia looked at her quizzically. “Pretty much.”

 

Mehra looked like she was going to give her some more shit, then Porter walked in with, of all things, a flower tucked into her hair.

 

“Looks like someone’s date went well,” Mehra said and Porter blushed deeply.

 

“Was Carson a gentleman?” Alicia asked, forcing a grin, hating herself a little that she felt a stab of jealousy that this was something she’d never have. “Did he wait to kiss you at the door?”

 

Porter stuck her tongue out at the both of them. “He did actually, for your information.”

 

“Good,” Alicia said with a completely straight face. “I’d hate to have to kick his ass.”

 

“I travel to a different galaxy completely and somehow I still fail to escape people who think it’s funny to act like protective siblings,” Porter complained bitterly.

 

“I guess that’s what you get when you sign up to be part of a gate team,” Mehra said unsympathetically.

 

“Vega, Mehra, Porter,” Teldy said as she walked in. She paused briefly as she caught sight of the flower in Porter’s hair. “I’m sorry,” she said, raising her eyebrows slightly. “Was there an anthropological note about P7D-262 that I missed? Maybe some kind of festival?”

 

“No,” Porter said, flushing again. “It’s just a-“ Her eyes narrowed as she noticed Teldy’s mouth twitch. “Oh, I hate you all.”

 

“Noted, Dr Porter,” Teldy said. “Now, if there’s no further prep that’s needed…”

 

“I hear that the new Indiana Jones movie was in the last shipment of DVDs from Earth,” Jennifer said excitedly. “Apparently they’re going to show it in the Rec room friday evening. Do you want to go see it?”

 

“You a big Indiana Jones buff?” Alicia said, almost dreading the answer. She’d seen it in theaters when she’d been back at the SGC and she… hadn’t been that impressed. 

 

“I remember enjoying the old movies when I was small,” Jennifer said with a bright smile. “So?”

 

“Uh, sure,” Alicia, unable to say no to that expression. “Friday evening it is, unless an emergency calls one of us away.”

 

* * *

 

 

Unfortunately, Atlantis - ready source of crises big and small - failed her this once, and Alicia found herself in a dark and crowded room, pressed up against Jennifer and reminding herself again that anything other than friendly feelings had no place here.

 

Though how good Jennifer had looked when they’d met up - hair down, light makeup and a casual-nice dress - hadn’t helped. For one sickening moment, she’d wondered if Jennifer was meeting up with someone else for a date.

 

But no, it must just have been one of Jennifer’s ways of relaxing. Nothing more. She had shoved everything other than platonic feelings for Jennifer back into a box, where they belonged.

 

She really hoped the genuine Indiana Jones buffs in the audience wouldn’t riot when they found out how bad this movie was. Sometimes the Atlantean aversion to spoilers had its drawbacks. But, then again, there’d always be the guy who would loudly like it anyway.

 

There was always one, no matter how bad the movie was. It was like an unwritten rule of the universe. Or maybe a curse of the Ancients. One of the two.

 

As it started, she became distracted by Jennifer squirming a little next to her. She tried to make herself as small as possible, but Jennifer kept twitching her arms, like she wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.

 

She leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Are you alright?”

 

Jennifer jumped. “Yes!” she said a little too loudly, then looked around in a slightly panicked manner as people glowered at her. “I mean, sure. Completely fine!” she added more quietly.

 

“I can try and move over a little more, if you’re uncomfortable.”

 

“No, no. I’m good,” Jennifer assured her. “Um, does it get good some time soon?”

 

Alicia let her change the subject. “Something like that,” she equivocated, then sat back to try and hopefully allow Jennifer to enjoy the movie.

 

* * *

 

 

“Um, well, that was… good, fine,” Jennifer said unconvincingly as they were filing out, surrounded by the mutters of rebellious military personnel complaining about that film ruining their childhoods.

 

Alicia hoped for their sakes they never went back and looked at the originals. Or maybe that was only her.

 

“The popcorn was good,” she offered. Always best when Macias managed to get a fresh shipment from Earth and didn’t mind sharing it around for the big movies. Having friends on the Daedalus certainly paid off. He was probably a little pissed that he’d wasted a load on this particular turkey, though. 

 

“Yes, definitely enjoyed the popcorn,” Jennifer agreed, then winced. “Does saying something like that mean I’m a bad doctor? Shouldn’t I be looking after people’s diets?”

 

“I’ll never tell,” Alicia promised, and Jennifer flashed her another one of those smiles that reminded her that, yes, she did have a crush on Dr Keller.

 

As if she needed that, damn her persistent unwanted feelings. Her crush was hopeless, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

Alicia tool a deep breath, released it, then squeezed off a careful shot. She cursed as a wave knocked the floating target out of the way before the bullet could hit it.

 

“And that miss, ladies and gentlemen,” Major Lorne announced. “Means that Suarez takes first place in the Atlantean Marksmanship contest.”

 

“Next time, Suarez,” Alicia said as she fist bumped her.

 

“In your dreams, Vega,” Suarez said jovially. “I’ll take those prime cuts of beef and the new potatoes,” she called out as she approached the prize table. There was a collective groan as everyone who’d hoped to have them appear in the mess at some point saw those dreams disappear. Even Lorne looked a little pained.

 

“Sweet, sweet fresh oranges for me,” Vega said, grabbing a bag of citrusy deliciousness before Bray took his third place prize. The unclaimed prizes would go to general stores. Her mouth was watering just thinking about her newly won fruit. Good eating whilst fresh, and she knew enough people who felt the same to be confident about trading for enough things and favors to make her life a little easier for a while. “Here,” she said, tossing one each to Teldy, Mehra and Porter. “Your winnings for being lucky enough to be my squad mates.”

 

“It isn’t enough,” said Teldy mildly and Alicia resisted the urge to narrow her eyes at her commanding officer.

 

“Well done,” Jennifer’s voice came from behind her and she turned around just in time to have Jennifer hug her. Alicia’s arms twitched spasmodically for a minute before she briefly hugged her back, then stepped away.

 

“Angling for an orange of your own?” she joked, suppressing the vague panic she felt at Jennifer’s actions. It was a normal, friendly hug from someone who was a normal friend, right? No one would think there was anything suspicious about that. Porter didn’t look as though she’d noticed anything was out of the ordinary. Teldy was as subdued as ever, if with a crease of a smile around the eyes.

 

Mehra was smirking at her, because of course she was.

 

“Thanks,” Jennifer said, smiling at her as Alicia passed her an orange. “I’ll have to think of some way to pay you back.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What are you doing tonight?” Jennifer asked a couple of days later, as they were stretching prior to an early morning jog.

 

There was something slightly odd in her smile that Alicia couldn’t quite identify. Maybe it was nothing, but, “Why?” she asked, a little cautiously.

 

“Oh, um, ah, no reason,” Jennifer said not exactly decreasing Alicia’s level of suspicion. “I was planning on cooking a proper dinner tonight instead of eating at the mess, and thought I’d see if you’d be interested in joining me?”

 

Oh, that probably explained the nervousness. Stationed on Atlantis, she might not have cooked for a while. “Sure,” she said. “Would you like some help doing food prep? I’m a dab hand with a knife.”

 

Jennifer relaxed. “Oh, no, don’t worry about that. Just head over around seven and everything should be fine.” She wrinkled her nose, looking unutterably cute. “Barring any of the usual disasters.”

 

* * *

 

 

To Alicia’s total lack of surprise, Jennifer’s dance card that night ended up being filled by emergency surgery, courtesy of a scientist taking an unexpected tumble off a cliff. And then Alicia was off on a mission for the next two days, and by the time she came back, all she was fit for was a shower and bed. By the time they actually managed to agree on an evening, almost a week had passed.

 

Alicia knocked on the door, unaccountably nervous. Jennifer answered the door and, wow, suddenly Alicia felt underdressed. Jennifer’s hair was down, framing her face with gentle curls, mascara-darkened lashes making her eyes pop, and a black dress hugging her curves.

 

Huh.

 

Not that there was anything wrong with dressing up just to feel pretty, of course. It just… Alicia’s problems were her own affair. No one else’s. Her crush was hopeless, she reminded herself.

 

“Hey,” Jennifer said, smiling a little awkwardly at her.

 

“Evening,” Alicia said. “You look really nice.” That was a nice, friend safe thing to say, right? “If I’d have known,” she gestured at herself, “I’d have made more of an effort.”

 

Jennifer’s smile solidified. “Thanks,” she said. “And don’t worry, I think you look good.”

 

Alicia’s brain momentarily blue screened before rebooting. Jennifer was just being nice. Complimenting her in a friendly way. Right? Right. “So, we’re actually on this time?”

 

Jennifer turned back to her room. It was certainly a lot nicer and a lot larger than the one that had been assigned to Alicia. “I certainly hope so,” Jennifer said. “Otherwise all this food is going to go to waste.”

 

There was a foldable table set up in the middle of the biggest clear space, with a foldable chair to either side of it. And upon the table were plates of food. Of some sort. Probably. Though Alicia wouldn’t being to guess what ethnicity it was.

 

“So, ah,” she said as she wandered over. The smell seemed… slightly familiar, though she couldn’t place it. “What kind of food is it?”

 

“Oh, Athosian,” Jennifer said. “They’re traders, so their cuisine uses food sources from all over Pegasus.” She grinned a little shyly. “It’s a useful skill to have when you’re out travelling in Pegasus.”

 

“A woman of many talents.”

 

“I try. Eat up. It’s good. Or, at least, it’s good when a proper cook makes it.” She laughed a little self-consciously. “I’m still something of a beginner.”

 

Alicia picked up a shiny black ovoid gingerly. It had more give than she was expecting.

 

“You can bite into that one,” Jennifer said.

 

Alicia did so, and complex flavors burst into her mouth. For a moment, she wasn’t quite sure what she made of it, but then… “It’s good,” she said, unable to herself from giving a slight moan.

 

“That’s good!” Jennifer said, flushing slightly.

 

“Sorry,” she said, taking what looked like a cake composed mainly of a purple grain rather than say anything more. This wasn’t quite so much to her tastes, but at least it served as a good palate cleanser.

 

“No, no, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

 

“So, why doesn’t the mess ever serve Athosian food, if it’s all locally sourced?”

 

Jennifer’s smile turned slightly sad. “We used to. Most Thursdays, a guy used to come over from the Athosian settlement to cook proper Athosian food for the mess hall. He was among those taken by Michael. He… didn’t make it back.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Alicia said, starting to reach over to Jennifer, second guessed herself - was this a thing a friend would do - before deciding, fuck it, and laying her hand over Jennifer’s arm. “Was he a friend?”

 

“No,” Jennifer sounded wistful. “But maybe he should have been?”

 

Alicia withdrew her arm and they sat for a few minutes in subdued silence, Alicia picking from the variety of different dishes, before Alicia cracked a smile. “So,” she said. “I’ll give you more stories about what me and my three sisters used to get up to if you trade me tales about Jennifer in college in return.”

 

Jennifer laughed a little self consciously. “There really aren’t that many. I was very boring.”

 

“I guess I’ll have to come up with enough embarrassing stories until you feel *compelled* to tell me something in return.”

 

“Oh, you,” Jennifer said, glancing down. “I suppose I’ll have to take you up on that offer.”

 

“Good, because if you weren’t up for talking, my next gambit was going to be a food fight, and some of this is far too good to waste.”

 

Of course, once they’d started the telenovela that was her family’s life - interspersed with snippets from Jennifer - it was hard to stop, and before she knew it, she was looking up at the clock and realising it was perilously close to becoming too early instead of too late.

 

“Oh, crap. I hate to run, but I’ve got a gate patrol early in the morning and I really need to be getting to bed,” she said as she got to her feet.

 

“Let me see you to the door,” Jennifer said, rising as well.

 

“Thanks for a wonderful evening,” Alicia said, pausing just before she opened the door. “Really.”

 

“No problem,” Jennifer said, stopping what seemed just a little too close to Alicia. “We’ll have to do it again. It’ll give me an excuse to practice my recipes.”

 

They both stopped there a minute, neither speaking, just looking at each other and suddenly the crush that Alicia had been able to pretty much ignore all evening was back, full force. She couldn’t help dropping her gaze to Jennifer’s lips as the pregnant pause continued, and...

 

Suddenly the world snapped back into sharp focus, and, heart pounding, she realized what she’d almost done.

 

That she’d almost...

 

“Night!” she almost shrieked as she practically jumped out the door. “See you later,” she added before retreating quickly down the hallway.

 

Fuck, she thought numbly. 

 

Trying to act purely platonically around Jennifer certainly wasn’t getting any easier.

 

Fuck.

 

* * *

 

 

“So,” Mehra said, smirking over at her as they went over their weapons as part of mission prep. “Get up to anything *I* wouldn’t last night?”

 

Alicia shot her a quick look, but of course Mehra was up on the latest gossip. “Not really,” she said, hoping that she was managing to hide the restless night she’d had after leaving Jennifer’s apartment.

 

“Not really?” Mehra said, quirking an eyebrow. She gave Alicia a searching look, then quickly looked around, presumably to make sure they were alone. “Oh god,” she groaned. “I cannot believe you’re this useless. I swear I’m going to write a monograph on you.” She looked around again. “’The obliviousness of the Atlantean lesbian,’” she whispered.

 

“Hey,” Alicia said, a little offended, then had a quick glance around of her own. “Just because I have certain preferences,” she whispered. “Doesn’t mean I can’t have female friends.”

 

“Do you honestly expect me to think that you only want friendship with a certain doctor?” Mehra said skeptically.

 

“I’m completely fine with friendship. It’s… Any other feelings are just an inconvenience.”

 

Mehra rolled her eyes. “Seriously? Seriously? She asks you for a romantic walk around the city, to go to the movies with her and finally to a private dinner for two and you’re *still* under the delusion that you might not be the only one who’s potentially interested in something different?”

 

Alicia’s mind juddered to a halt. “What? What?! Really? Really?!”

 

Mehra just looked at her, far too amused for Alicia’s own good.

 

“Oh.”

 

“And *finally* she gets it,” Mehra groaned. “I was a little worried that I might have to stand over the two of you until someone actually made a move.”

 

“Huh,” said Alicia.

 

“And…. I’ve broken her,” Mehra sighed. “Come on, Vega. Let’s get you to the gate room.”

 

* * *

 

 

Alicia stopped in front of medical, looking at the open door.

 

The mission had gone well. All objectives completed and no real complications. The kind of day every gate team wished they could have all the time.

 

And now…

 

And now this. Because she was fairly certain that if she slept on it, she’d find some other reason to procrastinate tomorrow.

 

She took a breath and advanced.

 

Poking her head in, she tapped on the door. “Could I have a word in your office?” she asked Jennifer.

 

Jennifer looked a little stunned. “Um, sure,” she said and lead the way.

 

Alicia closed the door behind her. “No one can hear us in here?”

 

Jennifer gave her an uncertain look. “Of course. Anything you say in here will be kept completely private.”

 

“Good,” Alicia said, shuffling awkwardly. Well, here went nothing. “It’s come to my attention that you may not have completely platonic feelings for me?” She couldn’t help her voice rising at the end.

 

God, she hoped Mehra was right.

 

Jennifer made goldfish motions with her mouth. “What? How did you find…” Her eyes narrowed. “Sergeant Mehra.” She said the name like a curse. “I can’t believe- I had a plan and everything!” Her shoulders slumped. “Okay, I was probably going to fail to say anything next time, too.”

 

“Wait, what?’ Alicia said, putting a few things together. “You talked to Mehra about,” she gestured between the two of them.

 

Jennifer nodded, looking a little panicked. “Was that alright? I heard she was good person to talk to about,” she waved a hand in the air. “I didn’t imply you’d be interested. I… I… I’m sorry-“

 

“It’s fine,” Alicia cut in before Jennifer could work herself into any more of a frenzy. She smiled weakly. “It does explain why she was so smug about the whole thing, though.” She cocked her head. “She was the one advising you on what to do?”

 

Jennifer blushed. “She suggested getting you somewhere private and just telling you how I felt.”

 

Well, that certainly would have brought things to a head quicker. “And, to be absolutely clear, you’re attracted to me?”

 

Jennifer looked miserable. “I’m sorry if I’m making you feel uncomfortable. I just… This is all new to me. Liking a girl. Liking a you!”

 

Alicia shuffled around the office and risked an arm around her shoulders, relieved when Jennifer curled into her. “Hey,” she said. “Hey, it’s fine.” She took a breath and released it. “It’s not for me,” she said quietly, looking down, then back up at Jennifer. “Liking girls. Or liking you.” It was hard to force the words out, but it was worth it for the radiant smile Jennifer immediately gave her.

 

“Oh, thank god,” Jennifer said, burrowing deeper into her side. “I’ve been so worried about this.” She hid her head in Alicia’s neck. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant. “That I’d lose your friendship,” she said in a muffled voice.

 

“Never,” Alicia promised. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m attracted to you, but I like you first.”

 

Jennifer looked up, smiling impishly. “Can’t we have both?”

 

“It’s not going to be easy,” Alicia warned. “We won’t be able to be coupley in public. We probably shouldn’t even touch as much as we do.”

 

“I-I-I want to explore this,” Jennifer said. “I do realize how much of a risk this is for you - though if Colonel Sheppard disciplines you over this, he’ll find out exactly how big needles I have access to,” she growled, looking a little fierce, before going back to worried, “And you might decide that it might not be worth it for you - and I’ll be good with that, really - but, but… I want this?”

 

Alicia closed her eyes to somehow resist the urge to kiss Jennifer silly. “Okay,” she said, opening them again. “Let’s talk this over later, when we both have the time and privacy to do so.” And it wouldn’t be as obvious as it would be to everyone else in medbay if she came out looking like she’d been kissing the head of medical. “Tonight, maybe?”

 

Jennifer nodded. “Good plan,” she said firmly.

 

“So…” Alicia said. “Before I go, you said that you only realized that you might like girls recently. Dare I ask?”

 

Jennifer blushed furiously and hid her head in Alicia’s neck again. “A few weeks ago, I might have had an extremely explicit dream about a certain rather attractive officer in my office right now.”

 

Alicia shuffled through her memory. Ah. “And let me guess, you then freaked out and avoided her for two weeks solid.”

 

“Until the jerk had the bad grace to get herself injured on a mission.” Jennifer thumped her gently on the shoulder.

 

“Ouch,” Alicia said. “Doctor on patient violence.” 

 

Jennifer stuck her tongue out at her. 

 

Alicia grinned. “Well,” she said. “As I see it, we have only last thing to discuss.” Jennifer looked inquiringly at her. “How exactly do we make Mehra pay for the weeks and weeks of amusement she’s had at our expense?”

 

Jennifer smiled wickedly. “Oh,” she said. “I have a few ideas…”

 


End file.
